I normally don’t make New Year resolutions. “I will start an exercise regimen” just never worked for me. But as this year came to a close, I decided that I needed a resolution for 2012, especially after all that has happened this year. 2011 has been a total emotional rollercoaster. In January, I lost my paternal grandmother to pneumonia. She suffered for two weeks in the hospital before coming home and finally passing away in the room we shared. Losing my por por was one of the most painful things. She was the person I could always reply on for a good meal and comfort, and my room mate for 21 years. When I was a kid, she was the one who comforted me when I curled up in fright during thunderstorms. Even at her deathbed, she showed me the same concern she always had all my life. Later in May, my maternal grandmother also left this world. But nothing hurt more than losing my dad to cancer in October. He had fought strongly, and fought well for 2 years since 2008 before losing the final battle that lasted for a year. I started preparing myself for the worst a few months ago, when things looked really bad. Dad was bed-ridden, he had difficulty breathing, he experienced great pain and weight loss. But he never gave up, and at the last stretch, my dad showed an inspirational strength and still continued to crack jokes despite his condition (my dad’s well-known to be a funny guy). At his wake, I did what I could for him and everyone who loved him - I played his favourite music; Eagles, The Beatles, Richard Clayderman, Abba. This year, I also found love, and then let it go; watched my sister (finally) get married; experienced indescribable pain, loneliness, love, and seen more strength that I would never have thought I would see in people. I still feel the pain and the sadness thinking about my grandmothers and my dad, and I don’t think the emotions will ever fade, but I think I can and need to become stronger and learn to face things on my own. This year is really just about loss and learning how to let go, which is why 2012, to me, should be a year of life, of real joy, of adventure and excitement, and of finding myself again.

I normally don’t make New Year resolutions. “I will start an exercise regimen” just never worked for me. But as this year came to a close, I decided that I needed a resolution for 2012, especially after all that has happened this year.

2011 has been a total emotional rollercoaster. In January, I lost my paternal grandmother to pneumonia. She suffered for two weeks in the hospital before coming home and finally passing away in the room we shared. Losing my por por was one of the most painful things. She was the person I could always reply on for a good meal and comfort, and my room mate for 21 years. When I was a kid, she was the one who comforted me when I curled up in fright during thunderstorms. Even at her deathbed, she showed me the same concern she always had all my life.

Later in May, my maternal grandmother also left this world.

But nothing hurt more than losing my dad to cancer in October. He had fought strongly, and fought well for 2 years since 2008 before losing the final battle that lasted for a year. I started preparing myself for the worst a few months ago, when things looked really bad. Dad was bed-ridden, he had difficulty breathing, he experienced great pain and weight loss. But he never gave up, and at the last stretch, my dad showed an inspirational strength and still continued to crack jokes despite his condition (my dad’s well-known to be a funny guy).

At his wake, I did what I could for him and everyone who loved him - I played his favourite music; Eagles, The Beatles, Richard Clayderman, Abba.

This year, I also found love, and then let it go; watched my sister (finally) get married; experienced indescribable pain, loneliness, love, and seen more strength that I would never have thought I would see in people.

I still feel the pain and the sadness thinking about my grandmothers and my dad, and I don’t think the emotions will ever fade, but I think I can and need to become stronger and learn to face things on my own.

This year is really just about loss and learning how to let go, which is why 2012, to me, should be a year of life, of real joy, of adventure and excitement, and of finding myself again.

1 month ago